So lately I’ve been playing this sort of tug-of-war between two philosophies, or ways of approaching life and reality itself. The same person – yes, you know who you are – turned me on to both and I have to admit that while on one hand it’s exciting, thought provoking and fascinating on the other hand it’s frustrating, utterly confusing, and quite frankly it’s wearing me out.
The two philosophies appear to be diametrically opposed, so I find myself going back and forth between the idea of life based on logic, reason and rational thinking vs. this idea of oneness, personal surrender to a higher power, and enlightenment.
So just when I thought I was gaining a glimmer of clarity about who I am and where I’m going the pot gets stirred and I find myself back at ground zero again with no clue of what to do next or how to go about it.
And the weird thing is that even though these ideas seem like polar opposites I can see the value in both and accept them as true. Yes, reason is the foundation for leading a happy and successful life. And yes, so is surrender and oneness.
But here’s the thing. What practical application does it have? How can I take this information and use it to make my life better than it is in this moment? That’s where it hasn’t gelled yet so I sit here in this place of nothing and nowhere – waiting for something to make sense so I can take a step forward.
Forward where? At this point I don’t really care. Just forward toward a life that is happier and better than the one I’m in right now.
It’s about happiness. Finding profound happiness which I believe is attainable and sustainable. Something I wouldn’t have believed just a few short weeks ago by the way.
The the reason part is about using my intelligence and knowledge to make good decisions and plot out a course that I believe will get me there. The surrender part is realizing that I may not know what truly would make me happy, allowing for a higher power that has a better plan than I do, and letting go of the details to allow it to play out the best way for me. Which is very scary and the subject of another post.
But this is where I am in this moment.