I'm going through this "dark night of the soul" thing, and I'm finding myself falling back into depression. I hate being in that state! I lived with severe clinical depression for over 20 years and during that time my life completely fell apart. I'm not sure if the depression was caused by life falling apart or if life falling apart was a result of the depression. Probably some of each. But it's there and even though I've mostly kicked it - it still rears it's ugly head from time to time.
And that's where I've been lately. Stuck in the mental and emotional sludge that is depression, and desperately using every trick I know to get back out of it.
Why does this matter to you? It doesn't really. But this blog is about being authentic, and while I'm not going to post the pages and pages of absolute slime that have come out of me in these past weeks, I do want to share what's going on and why my attitude has tilted precariously toward the dark side as of late.
I want you to know that I WILL get out of this. I have things to do and places to go and none of it can happen if I'm too tired and depressed to get out of bed in the morning. But I refuse to be sitting at this same table in this same apartment a year from now, still writing about what I want to do "someday."
No. Next year this time someday will have arrived, and I'll be writing from my new life, with depression just a faded memory of a past that doesn't matter.
How's that for courage of conviction?!